Craig You're a Communist!
by Dark Oyster Boy
Summary: Craig is on the rebound...with Kendra Mason? With a little help from his best friend Marco, Craig just might come out ahead...
1. Operation Seduction

Craig You're A Communist?  
  
A Kendra Craig romance story, beasties.  
  
After dealing with all the Ashley and Manny DRAMA, Craig Manning decided I didn't want another pretty girl. I'm officially done with hotties and girls of substance. So ever since Christmas I've been looking for a girl I know things won't work out with. This way I know that I won't get hurt. Cause getting hurt sucks. That's when I saw her. Degrassi's least desirable female. This girl makes Liberty look like Adriana Lima and Terri look like Tyra Banks. That's right, Degrassi's favorite Jappy Jap Jap, Kendra Mason! I mean honestly, she went out with Toby. The only problem is her brother Spinner. I'll have to ask Marco what to do. He is Spinner's best friend and he always knows how to work things out with the ladies. Or the Jappy Jap Japs as the situation dictates. Just then Craig spotted Marco down the hall. Their lockers were hell of far apart and Craig hated walking.  
  
"Hey Marco! Help me with this stuff!!" yelled Craig.  
  
"You crazy guy! I'm hungry!" responded Marco.  
  
"Hey Marco I'm thinking of hooking up with Kendra Mason!"  
  
"Craig!! OMG!! You can do like so much better than that Jappy Jap Jap!! Let me set you up!" squealed Marco like the fag he is.  
  
"But Marco I don't want to do better. I've done better...a couple of times. Kendra's the bottom of the barrel. She went out with Toby. She's kind of thick too. So she'll keep bouncing back too because fat chicks are loyal. You saw the way Tubby McMother-Fucker Terri kept going back to Rick when he kept beating her ass down. Kendra's never going to leave me."  
  
"Oh good point."  
  
"The only problem is that Spinner is totally protective. And he knows how much of a PLAYER that I am."  
  
"Don't hate the player hate the game."  
  
"You know how I do, but how do I do now that everyone else knows how I does...or how I did?"  
  
"Chill dude, Spinner's got his own hose."  
  
"But Paige isn't THAT hot."  
  
"Don't worry beautiful," said Marco as he put his hand on Craig's thigh, "I've got a plan." 


	2. Putting the Plan into Action

Paige Mykel-shuck woke up with extreme chest pains. She tried to sit up but...gravity seemed to have multiplied!! After much struggling she finally sat up.  
  
"Oh man," said Paige to herself, "I must have worked to hard yesterday at practice. My back hurts like a motherfucking pregnant elephant fucking gave birth to a dinosaur on it."  
  
If only that were the case. Paige walked to the bathroom, feeling like she was dragging her upper body after her, which made no sense at all because it was above her lower body. She looked in her full-length mirror; she was practicing looking hot in the morning in case she ever had sex again. She might not ever have sex again though because she was raped. But it was always good practice to look hot. Paige looked in the mirror and SCREAMED!!!! Her normally flat chest was gone, she had BIG BOUNCING TITTIES!!  
  
"Hey JT thanks for lending us those bags of silicone. You're a great scientist," said Craig as he, Marco and JT walked out of the Mykel-shuck's back door. Marco was currently making out with Dylan. Craig hands JT a bag of cocaine as a thanks for helping.  
  
"Anytime guys, I just love breast implants. Who would have thought that Paige would have so much blood...or lung? Haha whatever!" laughed JT. Marco, Craig and Dylan laughed too. Boy was it funny!  
  
"Any way, see you guys at school!" shouted JT as he left with his 10-pound sack of cocaine.  
  
Paige's parents wouldn't let her stay at home just because her breasts had quadrupled in size over night. Paige didn't even have a bra to wear!  
  
None of the boys (except Marco) could keep their eyes off of Paige's new (old?) breasts. Spinner was especially happy. Paige was his girlfriend! And now she had BIG BOUNCING TITTIES!  
  
"Wow Marco! Great idea!! And thanks for convincing Dylan to let us mutilate...I mean modify his sister!" shrieked Craig. Marco blushed. He was great at seduction because he was Italian.  
  
"Now I just have to seduce the Jappy Jap Jap!" I shouted.  
  
Kendra "Jappy Jap Jap" Mason was sitting in math class when she got a note telling her to go to the gym.  
  
"Mr. Armstrong I have to go to the gym!" shouted Kendra.  
  
"Well, you're an Asian so you're really good at math so you can miss class. Go ahead Kendra," yelled the teacher.  
  
"Hmm," said Kendra, "It says that I have to wear a kimono. Good thing I keep one in my locker because I'm Japanese!"  
  
When Kendra arrived in the gym all the lights were turned off. Scented candles were lit all around and they provided the light as well as a romantic mood. In the middle of the gym sat a very naked Craig Manning. His man parts were covered by delicious looking sushi.  
  
"Care for some sushi?" asked Craig, his voice heavy with lust.  
  
"I'm Asian," said Kendra breathlessly. Craig winked at her. Kendra blushed but slowly crept over to Craig. She ate every piece of sushi off of his body. 


	3. The Consequences

Kendra had been in the hospital for a week now. She had gotten hold of some badly chilled sushi. Craig felt partially responsible. So he and Marco decided to take SEXY NAKED pictures of one another to give out. A lot of their friends were in the hospital lately:  
  
Tubby Mcmother-fucker Terri was still in a coma.  
  
Kendra had food poisoning from sushi.  
  
JT did 10 pounds of cocaine.  
  
Paige's new breasts had complications. The proper tools hadn't been used, they cut too deep and she didn't have real implants; she had water balloons filled with Jell-O.  
  
But Marco and Craig knew better than too dwell on all the bad things in their lives. So they took even more pictures.  
  
Kendra was in love with Craig Manning. She didn't know that he liked sushi! It seemed like they were meant to be! She never thought that she would be happy with another man after she left Toby. She was pretty surprised another man even wanted her. She was a Jappy Jap Jap! And she had dated Toby!!  
  
Kendra was finally released. The photos had really helped her heal. The only problem was that now SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO MARCO TOO!!! She had to talk to Craig. To make sure that he didn't get JEALOUS. She was at school when she saw Craig.  
  
"Craig we need to talk!" stated Kendra sternly.  
  
"Oh hey Jappy Jap Jap! You sideways or what?" asked Craig curiously while eyeing her vagina.  
  
"Oh Craiger!! Your pictures helped me heal! But now I want some of Marco too!!" revealed Kendra.  
  
"What? You fucking slut aren't I enough man for you?" shouted Craig.  
  
"Oh baby don't get jealous!"  
  
"Don't talk to me you fucking sideways cunt! Hey I've got an idea! A threesome!"  
  
"But Craig, that's more than two people and I'm only in grade eight."  
  
"But if we do it you get us both...AT THE SAME TIME!! And say eighth grade like a normal girl bitch" explained Craig.  
  
"But Craig, I'm still a virgen, I wouldn't even do it with Toby,"  
  
"And no anti-blind person would. No I take it back. Toby would have to rape a blind person to get any," said Marco as he walked up behind the two. He wrapped his arms around Craig's waist and kissed his neck. They were great friends.  
  
"Hey Marco, let's do it," ordered Craig.  
  
"Yeah okay," said Marco.  
  
"Kendra," said Craig absently, "you can come too... 


	4. Even More Consequences

"I can't believe we had a threesome," said Marco the next day at school.  
  
"And with a Jappy Jap Jap," said Craig.  
  
"A Jappy Jap Jap?" questioned Liberty NOSILY.  
  
"Yeah you know, Kendra 'Yeah I'm Asian' Mason. We did it to her last night. But don't spread it around. People might start thinking that Marco's straight and that I'm gay. And plus, gross girls like you might start thinking that they have a chance with either of us," explained Craig.  
  
"Well..." said Liberty, "YOU'RE THE AXIS OF EVIL!!!"  
  
"What?" shrieked Marco.  
  
"YOU'RE ITALIAN!" shouted Liberty accusingly at Marco.  
  
"YOU'RE GERMAN!!" she yelled at Craig.  
  
"AND KENDRA'S A JAPPY JAP JAP!" they all realized together.  
  
"I'M TELLING MR. RADITCH!!" shouted Liberty.  
  
"Oh no," said Toby. 


	5. Honestly, Could It Get Any Worse?

Craig, Marco and Kendra were all expelled. Ashley pondered this at JT's funeral. He had overdosed and had died. She was impressed with Craig. He had hooked up with an ugly grade eight. And a Jappy Jap Jap at that. He wasn't as shallow as she remembered. And since he was going to attend a private school in...elsewhere soon she had to make her feelings known.  
  
Ashley ran to Craig's house from Paige's funeral. Craig was outside practicing a song for Kendra, in her native language.  
  
"Jappy jap jappy jap jap jappa jappa Jappy jappa jap jap jap japapa jap!" crooned Craig. Ashley's eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Oh Craig, I heard that you were expelled for loving Kendra...with Marco. And I am really moved. I heard that you were leaving town to go to a boarding school. I had to come here and let you know how I feel. I'm finally ready Craig. Ready for you to love me with all your heart. I'm ready for our souls to dance. I'm ready for you to sex me up," revealed Ashley.  
  
"And down?" asked Craig nervously.  
  
"Any direction," said Ashley.  
  
"But Ass, I mean Ash, I've had enough trouble with pretty girls. That's why I went for Kendra. She's everything no one could ever possibly want...with the exception of Toby who doesn't count because come on, Toby?"  
  
"But Craig, I can't let you leave me again. I don't want you to go without realizing our love." 


	6. A Happy Ending

It was Craig, Marco, Kendra and Ashley's last day at Degrassi. Ashley had been expelled for joining the Axis. The Allies were outraged. She had become Craig "Hitler" Manning's mistress. Craig was angry. He believed in communism. That's why he had cheated on Ashley. He believed in equality for everyone. So he couldn't give his loving to just one girl. JT was saying goodbye to Craig when Kendra walked up.  
  
"Craig, we need to talk," whispered Kendra quietly.  
  
"Alright, I'll talk to you later man," said Craig to JT.  
  
"Yeah I'll catch you at lunch dude," said JT as he walked off down the hall.  
  
"Craig, I think I'm pregnant."  
  
"Eww," said Paige.  
  
"Whoa you're moving to fast for me. Can't we just be friends?"  
  
"Pregnant!" shouted Kendra.  
  
"It could be Marco's!"  
  
"It's your fault!! You seduced me with sushi!"  
  
"What? I didn't even know you had gotten your period yet. It's your own damn fault for having ovaries."  
  
"Oh what am I going to do?"  
  
"Just get an abortion like Man did."  
  
"She did?"  
  
"Yeah, and I don't feel nearly as much guilt as most stories would lead you to believe," stated Man.  
  
"Oh, well that solves everything. Thanks Man, Thanks Craig."  
  
"No, thank you Clay Aiken," said Craig as Clay Aiken walked out of the bathroom.  
  
"Anytime guys!" said Clay. 


End file.
